A Simple Life

I once had no idea that I would be so focused on the topic of a simple life! But living off-grid has helped me realize the importance of slowing down and living intentionally. I am now very passionate about it, because pursuing a simple life has given me a great deal of peace. 

What does a simple life mean to me?

In one sentence, I would define a simple life as a life that cuts down on what is complicated and embraces what is necessary.

There are so many ways to live out this definition in one facet or another. But for me, living a simple life does not encompass just one aspect, like simplicity in parenting or information or possessions. I want to apply this definition to the most important things in my life first, and then let it spill over into the other practical but less important things.

It seems to be a trend to give children a slow childhood, or have a minimalist house. I love these ideas, but I’ve realized that for me, pursuing one or a few different things doesn’t change my life as a whole. So I’ve decided to try to pursue a simple life in the most intentional and radical way I can. 

The best way to decide what is most important is to look at everything through the lens of death. Not to make this morbid or dark. I simply mean that life is too short, yet too full of good things to do. I know that time is my greatest asset, and I don’t want to waste any of it. So what is the most important part of my life personally? What do I want to know that I accomplished or experienced by the end of my life? 

By choosing a simple life, I am focusing on spending my time well. 

But what does the definition of a simple life mean?

If a simple life is a life that cuts down on what is complicated and embraces what is necessary, then it’s important to figure out what “complicated” and “necessary” encompass.

What is complicated? 

As a mom, I have 2,000 good options of things to do per day. So what do I choose? What is most important? It can get really complicated in an effort to squeeze in as many good things as possible. 

For example, my oldest son is now old enough to homeschool. I am bursting with ideas of things to share with him, stories to tell him, poems for him to learn. Why can’t I teach him Spanish? Maybe Latin too. He should know about plants and animals, and he loves learning about space. So maybe I should do an hour for each.

But the reason I want to homeschool him is so I can give him the gift of time, letting him develop whatever skills are required to pursue his interests, while also getting an excellent education. That’s more important to me than teaching him all the facts and information this year.

To me, what is complicated is whatever is confusing me about what my main goals are. 

What is necessary? 

There are two categories of things that are necessary. There are the things that are the most important things, like family. And there are the mundane, unglamorous, but essential chores needed to live life. 

The most important things

I know that what is necessary for homeschooling Baldwin this year is for me to teach him how to read and write. He will have to know how at some point, and if he is a child who struggles with reading, I would like to form positive associations while he’s still young and there’s no actual pressure for him to master it yet. That feels like a top priority to me, so that’s what I will focus on in homeschooling. 

But he’s a little boy. So this means that I am teaching him by playing little funny games with him and presenting new letters over and over again, making it very easy and enjoyable for both of us. I’m not ramming it down his throat, because that would be counterproductive to my main goal. 

I think the most important things are extremely subjective. They change not only from person to person but from season of life to season of life. 

When I’m pregnant, exercise is a top priority for me. I have flat feet and alignment issues that cause all kinds of problems. When I’m postpartum, nutrition is a top priority. Nutrition is also a priority during pregnancy, but postpartum I can really feel my body take a toll and my thyroid starts to suffer. It’s when I really need to crack down on my health. 

This is not the season for me to start new projects. But it is the season to make household chores as streamlined as possible. Right now in November it is not the season to garden, but it’s the season to declutter the house so I’m not overwhelmed with that extra projects come springtime. 

The second part of what is necessary: The mundane but essential chores.

This is where everything gets interesting. Our culture has focused so much on convenience in the last 100 years. My generation is only now waking up to the fact that maybe convenience is not as important as we thought, and maybe inconvenient things hold value in themselves. 

Hence the trends to buy chickens, make sourdough, preserve food, etc. are now very popular.  

Why I think it’s important to embrace the mundane:

This can be a huge paradigm shift for people because the goal seems to be to escape the mundane as much as possible. Some people try to make enough money to pay someone else to do simple but time-consuming tasks. There are hundreds of gadgets that are constantly being invented and marketed to solve the inconvenient things in life.

But I am a stay-at-home mom. So much of what I do is mundane, thankless, unnoticed, and redone about ten times per day. If sweeping the floor does not hold value in itself for me and my family, then society is right. Motherhood is truly drudgery, and I should try everything to escape.

But this is not true. I hold the very firm belief that my job is the most important job in the world. I make a home. How many people can say these days that they really have a home to go to? I think the number is much fewer than most of us would like to admit. I make a place for my husband to want to come back to, and a place that people who are not a part of my direct family crave and visit over and over. Because I have created a haven.

But more importantly, I create the first world my children experience. I don’t want them to hold the belief from birth that life is not loving, that there is no security or stability, and that no one has time for them. I want them to know that they are loved and that there is order and beauty. That first experience of what life is stems from all that I do, even in making the bed three times because someone jumped on it.

Why choose to live a simple life?

There are two reasons I think a simple life is so important. I already mentioned the first: life is just too short. Time is my greatest asset. It is my greatest gift, and my most finite thing that I have possession of. I don’t know how much I have, so I can’t budget for the future. All I can do is use today the best way possible, living life to the fullest at every moment.

There is too much stuff.

The second reason to live a simple life is in response to our modern world. We are exposed to an infinite amount of stuff: of information, of convenience gadgets, of companies selling products, of decor, of things that we are supposed to do just because they are done, like putting our kids in sports. And so many of these things are good! Don’t get me wrong. But because life isn’t simple, we have to be constantly making a choice of what is better over what is good. And this can be so exhausting. We have to guard ourselves from too many good things, so the most important things do not pass us by.

The effects of too much stuff: 

The sheer amount of (good) information is keeping us from living real life.

There is so much good information, our brains could never learn all of the facts available to us. It’s become such a problem that people are now experiencing the phenomenon called analysis paralysis, where they become an expert in one chicken breed thanks to google, and yet get so caught up in every little detail that they never buy the chicken. The internet can be such a helpful tool, but it’s become more valued than true experiences.

How can you verify if the information you are getting is true or applicable to your circumstances? 

There are also so many times where I will read something that someone posted, go outside, and have the opposite experience. For instance, people always say that a bed of wood chips can bind with the nitrogen in the soil and have a negative effect on your garden. But I’ve never seen that happen. If I were to listen to everything I found, I would never have learned that deep mulch gardening is so successful in our high desert climate.

The old-fashioned rubric for discerning the truth about something and the practical wisdom that goes with it, namely experience, is being lost. And we are told by the internet what practical wisdom and the truth is, with no rubrics to guide us. 

We don’t have skills, and we aren’t growing.

I keep thinking about how Instagram, Facebook and even YouTube now let you go scroll through short videos. They are only seconds long, as opposed to minutes. This makes me think that the algorithms have learned that our attention spans are getting shorter. It reminds me of how soft and stupid the people in the movie Wall-E become through entertainment.

True knowledge and understanding comes from real-life experiences. We are exchanging that for general vague knowledge of facts that can’t be tested for their truth. 

I want to be able to do hard things, to read books, to become better and smarter. We are desensitized and coddled by all of the convenience around us. I want to reject this and choose real life. I want to experience reality in all of its pain and pleasure. Even if that means being bored or uncomfortable.

Why I think a simple life is important for children: 

Too much stuff is not good for kids. 

There are studies linking a child’s creativity with their ability to work through boredom without being saved from their discomfort by entertainment. I think this is so true and have seen this in my life. I don’t stop and really think unless I am bored. If I can’t sleep in the middle of the night, I reach for my phone to entertain me. But if I force myself to sit there in silence, I end up thinking about things I wouldn’t have. In pondering my day, I can learn more about myself. I think this is more valuable than scrolling on my phone for sure.

If we are bored, we are more likely to engage in conversation with our kids. There are so many times where I could tell them a story or tell them something cool about the world, but I have no more brain space left. I am out of energy and creativity.

Are we victims to overstimulation from our family or are we doing it to ourselves?

As a stay-at-home mom, I find it interesting how it’s a trend for mothers on Instagram to talk about how overstimulated they are by the noise and demands of their kids. There are reels showing a mom doing dishes and being bombarded by all of the thoughts of their to-do’s and worries.

While I find these videos totally relatable, I have often realized that if I slow down and embrace the quiet opportunities I have in my day, then I have much more patience to respond well to the demands of my kids or my life.

I often wonder if moms are overstimulated because of being moms, or if what is really happening is that their kids tip them over the edge after they overstimulate themselves by scrolling, or constantly listening to something to fill the silence.

I am a much better mother on days where I force myself to not call my sister, to not listen to a podcast, and to embrace the mundane. Because in the silence I can patiently invite my kids to help me cook or talk to me while I sweep, and I have mental space to accept the noise that they give me, and answer the questions they ask me. 

Living with less develops character.

I want my kids to experience boredom. I hope that they will have the stamina to read a hard book, to go outside and get lost in their adventures, to have limitless hours of play and work as a family that builds relationships and creates bonds. Bonds so close, if a lesser good thing were available, the bonds wouldn’t be formed.

A simple life helps their brains.

If we get overstimulated, think of how much more a developing child can get overstimulated. Even the sheer number of toys can be overwhelming to a child. It’s amazing how often I see that with my own kids: the more toys and options, the more squabbling and discontentment. If there are only a few options, or even just the option of being outside with no toys, they work through a small period of boredom and then play contentedly and creatively for hours. I can see how much happier they are when they have less.

A simple life makes me a better mother.

If I am not overstimulated, distracted, or bogged down with too many activities, it is much easier for me to respond with patience and presence to my children’s needs. I would rather be a present mom than have my kids signed up for everything.

Cutting out the distraction is a skill I want to give my kids. But that starts with me.

How can I expect my children to deal with the information age if I can’t detach myself from my phone? What example am I giving them of how to be resourceful if I’m just purchasing a product on amazon every time I face a problem? What skills am I imparting on them if I am letting my own skills and attention span atrophy?

It’s time to get bored and uncomfortable. It’s time to squirm with nothing to do and the pain of watching minutes go by slowly. Because that is when creativity sparks, and we wake up and really experience the life around us.

How to embrace a simple life?

I keep laughing at myself for writing this post, because if you know me you know I shouldn’t be the one to write it. I’m no example. Yes, we live off grid, and yes, we are constantly seeking a simple life, but I also love all of the good things in life that I constantly overwhelm myself. If I didn’t have a very practical husband who knew this imperfection in me, I would have bought 20 cows, 15 pigs, 5 horses (why? who knows?) and 200 chickens. And we would be broke and frazzled. I already have too many gardens and no time or seeds to fill them all. I already have too many house projects and things that I have taken on. My projects are one messy conglomerate of unfinished things, yet they are all so good that I don’t want to let any of them go!

So before answering the question I suppose I can just put this caveat: do as I say, not as I do!

Step one: Don’t forget the goal: finding ways to spend your time well by living real life. 

The point of trying to live this intentionally is to not get distracted or confused about what really matters. It’s really important to make sure to always be focused on the most important things.

Step two on embracing a simple life: search yourself and find the fluff.

What are you doing that is the best thing for your family, and what good things are getting in the way?

For me, it’s easy to say that I need to just throw away my phone. It is doing my family no good for me to be scrolling, as opposed to pursuing a hobby that really refreshes me.

Then there are the other things. How much do my kids need playdates? How much do I need to teach them? What is the best thing to teach them and what can I get rid of until they are older?

Is this the season of life where my house should be dusted? Or my kid’s clothes folded? Is this the season where I have time to go on hikes?

Step three: Always be evaluating the true priorities (can’t set it and forget it)

Because priorities can change at a moment’s notice or seasonally, trying to stay flexible and always examining yourself and your current priorities is extremely important. 

I think this is the greatest struggle for me, but one of the things that has helped me practically with this is to minimize the clutter, follow a routine, and try to make my life easier for myself by making default desisions on the things that don’t really matter, like what’s for dinner.

Step four: Find the balance between convenience and simplicity: why not pay to save time? 

So much value in both convenience and simplicity, and there is a reason that our culture has embraced convenience. There has to be a ballance.

Convenience is good in that it can minimize stress, make good things actually happen, and save time. But not all the time. For instance, there is a kitchen gadget for every problem. Yet each convenience gatchet adds to the cleanup, and most of them have to do with cutting things, which a cutting board and a sharp knife do very well.

The sheer amount of stuff people buy when they have a baby is so expensive and overwhelming. But there may come a time when you have just the right gadget to entertain your baby, so it’s worth it, right? 

It’s hard to decide, but that’s where going to a minimalist and getting advice on how to decide what’s really used an cared for can come in handy.

I have an abundance of kitchen stuff, but only in the areas I really need them. For instance, I have an inordinate number of cookie sheets. They come in handy for so many things that I’m always using all of them, whether it’s for butchering or dehydrating, or even for starting seeds in the house.

Being too stringent on convenience items can really actually complicate your life. So it’s really important to find a ballance.

Step five: Find the balance between your needs and other’s needs.

I just have to say this because I’m a mom! And it’s the eternal mom problem.

However, it’s important to decide how much relationships matter, and finding the balance is something everyone should examine.

When I say simple, I don’t mean easy.

A simple life isn’t necessarily easy. I always think of the old-fashioned farmers who worked so hard for everything they had. It was a very hard life.

When we moved to the mountain, we had no running water and no electricity. That quickly changed, but living off-grid still has its challenges. For instance, I can’t run the washing machine unless there is full sun on the solar panels. That means I have to be always ready for a snowstorm or monsoon to keep me from washing anything for a week. I can’t get behind because then I will be really desperate when I can’t depend on the sun. However, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The feeling of independence far trumps the feeling of knowing I can blow off today’s laundry.

I think it is a harder life, but I want every member of my family to come to the end of their lives knowing that they had developed all the skills they could, helped everyone they were able, and learned as much as possible. I want them to have well-developed virtues by the end of their lives, and that doesn’t happen by living an easy life.

Besides, it’s more rewarding. Even if it’s harder, there is so much fulfillment in living real life and finding contentment in the mundane. We can’t escape the unpleasant parts of life. Why not let them make us better people?

How a simple life impacts a homestead.

I started contemplating the importance of a simple life only after we moved to the mountain. I realized how much happier we were when we had to be resourceful. How much our brains craved peace and quiet, and how much more fulfilling it is to eat potatoes that you have grown for dinner. Homesteading taught me that a simple life is important, and I’ve been craving and working toward it since.